Auburn students would do well to remember their rights. Those most often remembered are the freedom of speech, the freedom of assembly, and the freedom to have your 78.8% in Economics rounded to at least a B-.
Those are all very important, but it would be foolish to let those overshadow another equally important right: The Right to Not Sneeze.
It is laid out quite clearly in the 4th Amendment to the United States Constitution where it says that citizens are to be protected against "unlawful searches and sneezes."
With that in mind, look carefully at your fellow students and you will notice that many of them have been unlawfully forced to sneeze.
Following careful investigation, the conclusion has been reached that these snot-rocketing contractions can be blamed on the recent increase in pollen count on campus.
Where does that pollen come from? Easy, plants.
When did that come from? Incorrect grammar, but better question.
Purely based on biased observation it would seem that most of this pollen showed up after the recent installation of President Leath.
Let's recap: President Leath was installed, then pollen showed up and started forcing students to sneeze.
Quite simply, it makes completely reasonable sense to me that all of this pollen and unlawful sneezing can be blamed solely on Auburn's 19th president.
Now, some of you may refute this brilliant argument by saying that this is nothing more than poor timing and misattributed causality.
To that I say, I don't like those big words, please don't use them.
In conclusion, all Auburn students must constantly be aware of their rights and must be wary of any in power threatening to take those away.
It may seem like a stretch to blame the pollen on the president of the university, but it's not.
Trust me.
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