It's cute to watch old-school newspaper columnists and reporters try to get "their blog on," as they'd probably say.
These old fogies seem to think the supposed Internet generation is a giant herd of social maladroits rapidly clicking between videos of explosions and flash-based Facebook games, switching sites every five seconds to satisfy their ever-shrinking attention spans.
Jorts? Still "hysterically funny." Mid-'90s "Saturday Night Live" references? Party on, readers. Socks and sandals? Ridiculous!
It's insulting, really, that we encourage these senile shysters--Rick Reilly with his lazy metaphors, e.g. "In big games, Bo grabs more bench time than Sandra Day O'Connor" (actual quote), Paul Finebaum with his deliberate rabble-rousing, Skip Bayless' old dumbass and all the talking heads on "Around the Horn," "Pardon the Interruption," "Talkin' Football" and a dozen others.
We encourage their work by giving their opinions meaning. Ignore them, don't angrily dial a sports call-in show or troll a message board, and they magically disappear.
These self-righteous snake-oil salesman are trying to ruin sports for you. Don't let them.
That said, they do serve as great rallying cries and common enemies. Every fan thinks ESPN hates his or her team and that the crew from College Gameday is biased.
Group hate is one of the perks of team sports. "We're (Southeastern college team), and we hate (nearby Southeastern college team)."
Collectively reveling in the failure of your enemies might be the best part of SEC football.
Mark Bradley of the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, who finds jorts "hysterically funny" and "More cowbell!!" edgy Internet humor, has declared himself an enemy of Auburn.
Bradley, a self-proclaimed "blogging fool," blogged Auburn to be the most obnoxious fans in the SEC, even though the AJC blog poll ranked Auburn sixth. (Are you blogging yet?)
Yep, ahead of Alabama, ahead of Florida, even ahead of LSU, who finished at No. 6.
His reasons: "Because Tiger fans still worship at the tainted feet of Pat Dye... run off coaches on a whim... grown as arrogant as Alabama backers without one-tenth the justification... still whining over the national championship they didn't win in 2004... Because the world's worst fan--the Montgomery banker Bobby Lowder--is an Auburn man."
At the risk of joining the ranks of sports demagogues: Is that all? Worship at the "tainted feet of Pat Dye?" Auburn fans certainly respect and appreciate Dye's time as Auburn's coach, but we don't worship the man. No more than Tennessee worships Johnny Majors, Florida Steve Spurrier and certainly less than Alabama fans worship the chalk-white carcass of Bear Bryant.
Auburn doesn't run off (head) coaches on a whim. By the end of Tuberville's tenure, it was obvious Auburn needed a newer, fresher approach.
Auburn has had four (five, counting Oliver) head coaches over the last 30 years. LSU has had eight and Alabama nine.
If Bradley polled the SEC schools, he would find Auburn to be near the middle of the pack (as the AJC found), more hated than some, but not on the level of Florida, Georgia and Alabama.
Sure, some fans clamored for the championship, but where is the whining? The majority of Auburn people realize Auburn doesn't need a ring or a trophy to validate 2004.
That year was enough unrewarded.
Maybe Bradley just really hates Bobby Lowder. We're not big fans of his antics either.
To use a word he'd understand, Mark Bradley is a hater.
Do you like this story? The Plainsman doesn't accept money from tuition or student fees, and we don't charge a subscription fee. But you can donate to support The Plainsman.
