Downtown Opelika has a not undeserved reputation for niche boutiques with inexplicable hours of operation. Even the proud few who would be interested in antique barber shop appliances or dip-dyeing their pets find themselves facing closed storefronts at 2:30 in the afternoon. Opelika needs some serious help marketing itself as an exciting destination for students. There’s only one way to get the college crowd flocking to the streets of downtown Opelika: the promise of young love. Downtown Auburn has its appeal, but when it comes to sweeping your sweetheart off her feet, Skybar just won’t cut it.
Here’s how to make your date fall in love with you in downtown Opelika.
Step 1: Take the trip to downtown Opelika. The gesture of embarking on a small but formidable road trip together provides an instant point of bonding, but it could go wrong unless you have a strategy in place before you leave. On your drive over, take whatever detours necessary to avoid the barren stretch of wasteland known as Opelika Road. Have a playlist ready for the ride, preferably a steady stream of indie darlings, peppered with few classics that the two of you can scream-sing to. The 15-minute ride might be the only chance you get to show your date you know every word to the Fresh Prince’s “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Take advantage of that.
Step 2: Give patronage to the Overall Company. Already wildly popular (at least according to my Instagram feed), its distance from Auburn makes it a retreat. You will probably appear very cosmopolitan as you recline on the patio, gnawing on strawberry balsamic pops and applying filters to pictures of the setting sun together.
Step 3: Hunt through Roland’s Thrift Store. Take your date on a stroll through the darling streets of downtown that end in front of the striped awning of Roland’s Thrift Store. Push your way through a crowd of chandeliers and animal hides to the front counter and strike up a conversation with Roland himself. Not only is he a hoot and a half, but he will undoubtedly make some pointed comments about what a cute couple you make. Laugh it off, all the while shooting surreptitious glances at your crush and imagining what your children would look like.
Step 4: Commit a crime together. A taste of adventure is what makes a date memorable, and rooftops are very accessible in downtown Opelika. Once evening falls, start scoping out the sturdiest fire escapes, and when you find one, offer your date a boost. Good rooftops require a bit of bravery and even less upper body strength. The best rooftops require a grappling hook disguised as a hair dryer. Once you have coaxed your whimpering date into committing a Class A misdemeanor in the state of Alabama, convincing them to commit to a relationship will be a breeze!
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