It's our favorite time of the year again. And by favorite time of the year, I mean campaign week sucks. Getting accosted with candidates' fliers, buttons and pens is fun and all, but some find it highly advisable to avoid Haley Concourse at all costs this week. If you're one of the sorry kids who has no choice but to enter Haley, your survival may depend on these tips:
1. You could start with faking a phone call, but as someone whose been on both sides of this charade, I can tell you that's amateur hour. If you're going to do that, you have to commit. By commit, I mean quicken your pace, avoid eye contact and repeat the word "emergency room" every 10 steps.
2. You might have noticed that many of these handouts have coupons on the back of them. If you get one, examine the coupon, look at the person who handed it to you dead in the eye and say, "Looks like you're writing checks your ass can't cash," then hand it back. Anyone who approaches you after that is a fool.
3. React like they're trying to hand you a vile of a live virus. Be completely disgusted and slightly terrified. This one could be easy to overdo, so make sure to keep your reactions appropriate. We're not talking smallpox here, just a weak strain of the swine flu.
4. This one I've never tried, but it's coined by junior Cole Oswell, and it sounds effective. If someone offers you anything campaign related on your way to class, just shake your head and casually say, "Nah, thanks, I'm trying to quit." Eventually you'll become known as that guy who's trying to quit... accepting handouts? Naturally, confusion will ensue and you'll be overlooked.
5. We'll end with an honest tip: just wear a freakin' campaign T-shirt. Once you're technically aligned with a "side," there's no reason to elicit you for your vote.
I don't know about y'all, but I personally always pick my candidates based on who gives me the most amount of crap I don't want on my way to class, so I won't be doing any of these. But if you have some sort of "logic" for picking your candidate, and want to avoid all the ruckus, this one is the way to go.
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