We've all been there or heard the horror stories so it's easier to clear the air from the very beginning - if you've ever had to drive down Highway 280 to get to or from Auburn, then you know it's the most boring drive ever.
In addition to it making you want to sock yourself in the face every five minutes in order to stay awake, the speed limit heavily decreases in several rinky-dink towns where there are more cows than people and more people than teeth.
From there, you have the issue of whether to speed.
I myself tend to be a grandma on the road.
Even when I'm going fast it's too slow for the people around me, and yet I have managed to get speeding tickets on 280.
Either way, the cops are ridiculous on that road.
Yes, I know, we as law abiding citizens must adhere to the laws of the road, but come on officer, I'm bumping to T.I. right now and I just can't drive 40 miles through Alex City!
I sometimes find myself in questioning the idea that these officers take their job of pulling poor college students over for going 15 miles above the speed limit while the state of Alabama remains the meth capitol of the U.S. I just think that as far as priorities go, stopping drugs in Sylacauga should be more important than stopping some pharmacy major from going 55 in a 45.
They don't seem to mind wearing the crystal meth problem as a badge of honor since the tickets of people passing through to get to Auburn seems to bring more money to their cities and towns.
Now, from talking to police officers as well as people who have been pulled over, I've learned different techniques in avoiding a ticket which I wish I would have implemented when I got my ticket(s).
For the ladies, crying only works half the time.
Some officers just don't have tolerance for you speeding on their road no matter how upset you are over it now, so save the tears.
For the guys, a good tool is to say, "I just had a fight with my girlfriend/fiancee/wife."
Hopefully the officer would have been there too and understands, or it's possible that their pent up anger and reasoning for being a cop is because they never had a woman to hold them.
I've also been told that if you can make them laugh they'll let you off.
I've always wanted an officer to ask if I knew why he was stopping me so I could respond "cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low, do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know," but instead of Jay-Z's awesomeness coming out, it's replaced with sweating, stuttering and apologies.
Also, if you feel getting a ticket is inevitable, you can attempt to do what I heard a brave soul did:
Officer: Where are you headed off to so fast?
Brave Soul: I'm on my way back to Auburn. I'm in school so I don't have to get a job like being a cop.
I guess the lesson learned from that transaction is, if you're going to lose, lose as a winner.
Martin Morrow is a guest commentary writer for The Plainsman and is a senior in radio, television and film
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