She walks through Haley Center like any other person, but as she passes fellow students, one question echoes in her mind, "Can they tell?"
A side effect of college life as a paranoid schizophrenic, this constant worry can make school difficult, but not impossible, according to April Dixon, freshman in animal science.
Dixon, diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1996, never thought college was a possibility, until she was accepted to Auburn last year.
"To be honest, I did not think I was going to get in," Dixon said. "Even though I know I have this disease, people don't understand it."
The Mayo Clinic defines paranoid schizophrenia as "a chronic mental illness in which reality is interpreted abnormally."
Symptoms can include confusion, auditory and visual hallucinations and suicidal actions.
Dixon said she often hears conversations in her head and experiences intense confusion.
"Sometimes you'll be sitting in class, and even if you really know what's happening, it will get you to a state where you think, 'What's really going on? What's really real?'" Dixon said.
At the height of her illness, Dixon said she attempted suicide more than 20 times.
College can bring out the worst of the disease if you let it, Dixon said.
"Everybody is saying they're stressed out," Dixon said, "but this is a different level. It's more intense than a regular person.
"But I just have to think that I'm stronger than this."
Students have been respectful of her disease, even if they don't understand it, Dixon said.
"The support of the Auburn community is something I've never experienced anywhere I've been," Dixon said.
Professors have been accommodating without giving special attention, Dixon said.
"April comes to my office hours regularly to discuss assignments and ask questions," said Kelly Kennington, assistant professor who teaches Dixon in World History I. "Any student has the ability to come speak with me about these types of issues."
It is important for professors to understand students' disabilities so they reach their full potential, Kennington said.
Students with mental problems should not be treated differently, said Doug Hankes, director of Student Counseling Services and licensed psychologist.
"It's the same as if you were helping a friend with diabetes," Hankes said. "What would you do? You would be a good friend, and this is the same thing."
Once regulated on medication, individuals can lead normal, healthy lives, Hankes said.
Each day, Dixon takes 150 milligrams of Effexor, a long-acting drug to treat depression, and 60 milligrams of Abilify, which treats schizophrenia symptoms, but said she believes a positive mentality is more effective than medication.
"In a way, I think controlling it is more about personal motivation than medicines," Dixon said. "They do help, but it's not to the point where I want to be."
Dixon said there are three main misconceptions about the disease she has observed.
"The No. 1 thing they think is that you're crazy," Dixon said. "The second thing is they're scared of you. They think the voices are telling you to do something evil.
"The third thing people think is that you're stupid. All my life, I thought I was."
Being open about schizophrenia is the only way to change the stereotype, Dixon said.
"It's going to take people that have the disease to come out and not be ashamed," Dixon said. "Because of the disease, certain things are going to happen, but the thing I want people to know is that we're just like everybody else."
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