Imagine a world in which you were forced to remain close with your first batch of friends.
The best man or the maid of honor at your wedding would be determined by which kindergarten classmate was best at sharing blocks.
You'd forever be tethered to the pale kid down the block whose videogame consoles more than made up for his inherent weirdness and predilection for eating paste.
This is the world proposed by the recent hit single "No New Friends" by DJ Khaled featuring Drake, Rick Ross and Lil Wayne, or at least a literal interpretation of it.
"No New Friends" heavily advocates loyalty to both friends and birthplace through repetition of the phrase no new friends.
The message should seem laughable coming from a group of men with wildly different backgrounds and origins.
But it seems to have caught on. DJ Khaled, 37, is a Miami-based radio personality; Drake, 26, was formerly a teen-actor and is from Toronto; Rick Ross, 37, was a correctional officer in Florida before stardom and Lil Wayne, 30, has been a fixture in music since his days as part of teen-rap group The Hot Boys in New Orleans.
However, "No New Friends" has been on The Billboard Hot 100 for 16 weeks and peaked at No. 37 on the chart.
The song has definitely found an audience.
While the authenticity of the song's central theme does seem a little shaky, it would be hard to imagine sentiments supporting loyalty and close-knit friendships might not be the most harmful things to broadcast.
"No New Friends" isn't just a song title but also an older mantra within rap and hip-hop, and one that has caught on with people in a way that might not be positive.
Chief Keef, a Chicago-based rapper, has endorsed the no new friends mindset in his music, and it would seem like that isn't a good thing.
Keef has been a constant source of controversy with multiple arrests, alleged drug use and a brief incarceration in January 2013 for violating his probation.
The rapper's lyrics often boast of his southside Chicago origins, and his record label, Interscope Records, have given Keef his own subsidiary record label, Glory Boyz Entertainmen, in 2011.
True to the no new friends mentality, the current roster of Glory Boyz Entertainment is populated with Keef 's friends.
It would be hard to think that it is in the 18-year-old's best interest to continue to surround himself with, and pledge loyalty to, people that would likely make a possible beneficial change in lifestyle more difficult.
Ultimately, "No New Friends" is just a piece of pop music, and isn't any more sinister or revelatory than any other chart topper, but its message is problematic.
At its best, the idea of no new friends is impractical and at least slightly insincere.
At its worst, the song's mentality could be a recipe for disaster.
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