App of the Week: Send Me To Heaven

Stop.

This is a warning to anyone who might feel brave.

Making an app the App of the Week does not necessarily mean we, here at The Plainsman, condone its use.

I will not be held responsible for what happens to you, or your phone, from use of this app.

The app marketplace is just like any other marketplace. It's a unique way to look at, and test, different products.

However, similar to many other marketplaces, there is a black market of apps, and it's not always obvious when you've entered the app black market.

If you find yourself looking at a list of shady, poorly designed apps asking for money, then you might want to put your head down, clutch your purse to your chest and power click your way to your nearest home button.

Every time you enter a phrase into the search engine, you are given an opportunity to peer into the dark alleyways of the app black market.

Among its wares, you will find an app called S.M.T.H.

S.M.T.H. is an acronym for Send Me to Heaven.

The app was developed by a Norwegian-based group called Carrot Pop.

The premise of the app is very simple.

Throw your phone vertically into the air and S.M.T.H. will measure how far you threw it in meters.

Unfortunately, meters are metric, so the information it gives is virtually useless to those in the U.S.
But surely this app is just a scam?

They just want you to break your phone, right? What kind of masochistic freak would download such an app?

Well, according to Google Play, between 100,000 and 500,000 people have already downloaded the app.

It also has a rating of four out of five stars with more than 800 votes.

This app is obviously dangerous, so I gave it a whirl.

Now, I didn't just throw phones into the air and eyeball it.

I wanted to see if this app actually measured the distance accurately.

In order to test this app properly, I bought a 12-foot-long piece of plywood, which is a little more than 3.5 meters, spray painted it white and measured out markers every 1/8 of a meter to measure the vertical height, like "Mythbusters".

Tosses were recorded by video to ensure the height of each throw was accurate.

To ensure the app was inaccurate and not the hardware in the phone itself, two different types of phones were used during the tests: the Motorola Droid RAZR M and the Galaxy S4.

Unfortunately, S.M.T.H. is unavailable on Apple's App Store, which meant the iPhone didn't get to go to heaven.

All test throws on both phones were within decimal points of each other, but the height displayed didn't match the actual height the phone traveled.

This meant whatever the app was using to measure distance was precise, but not accurate.

All measurements were close to one another, but more than 0.5 meters away from the actual height recorded on the plywood ruler.

However, results vary based on the phone.

The Galaxy S4 was far more accurate than the RAZR M.

This indicated to me the developers of this app actually tried to make a product that was accurate, since the numbers were not random or completely bogus.

However, this does not mean they do not want you to break your phone.

If you are one of the brave people, and have amazing hand-eye coordination, this app is for you.
Oh, the hours you will spend raising your phone up to the sky as it careens toward the heavens!

S.M.T.H. has the adrenaline rush of bungee jumping coupled with all of the inherent monetary risks of gambling.
Like gambling, your parents will get mad when they find out what you have done with their money.

However, if you have a tendency to stumble, fumble, fall, trip, drop things, are uncoordinated, missing your thumbs, or have ever dropped your phone on accident, I would highly recommend you to not download, or use, this app.

Why would anyone want to send their phone to heaven anyway?

Do you realize what's required to get into heaven?

Death.

And that is exactly what your phone will go through if you download this app.

Amazingly, no phones were harmed in the making of this column.