I've been cute-couple kicking for at least a decade now. I don't remember when my aversion to cute couples began, but something about the blissful titters, amorously glazed eyes and surreptitiously flexed biceps has always driven me bonkers.
Luckily, I discovered a few flinty kicks on the back of a flirty couple's seat was usually enough to snap a couple out of their amorous trance.
Those were the simple days before we all had smartphones in our hand and the latest Twitter update only a finger tap away. It's increasingly difficult to find cute couples so entranced with one another that they've forgotten the world and, consequently, how impossibly annoying they are. Instead, they've been replaced by couples whose eyes swivel constantly from the face of their partner to the siren glow of their phones. Their laughter sounds absentminded despite the agility of their busily tapping fingers on smartphones.
It's sad to watch these preoccupied couples who are too distracted to become properly enraptured with one another. There's nothing cute about them, nothing kickable.
There were a few moments this semester that made my feet tingle with hope. For instance, last Friday a couple in the Student Center loudly discussed what love meant to them while I was trying to study. They seemed like a perfect candidate and I could practically feel my foot twitching. Peering over my classwork, I peeked at them and could see the girl glancing at her phone as she spoke. Disgusted, I left to study elsewhere.
Feeling a little nostalgic, I remembered the loud giggles and nauseating smooches of the "adorable" couples of yesteryears. It was annoying, but their excessively starry-eyed delight with one another also happened to be the very thing that made them cute. They were so joyfully mesmerized with each other they forgot to take those around them into consideration. Unfortunately there is nothing adorable about individuals so self-absorbed that they're discourteous to both their partner and their peers.
Similarly, a few weeks earlier the upcoming reunion of an acquaintance and her long-distance boyfriend gave me concern. She planned to introduce us, but I worried I would feel uncomfortable witnessing the two exchange gooey regards when they reunited. But, after the initial greetings, sufficiently sappy embraces and my introduction had finished, each partner began to thumb-fiddle their phone.
I was dismayed. The guy had traveled three hours to visit his Auburn sweetie. With that kind of time commitment, I assumed he would have wanted to make the most of their fleeting moments together.
The incident reminded me of my own frustrating experiences visiting friends who live far from Auburn. Though we only see each other a few times a year, some of my friends only half-listen to what I'm saying. Peeking at their phones, I can see them looking at Instagram, Twitter and texts from other friends. These meetings are always uncomfortable and irritating. It's hard to believe someone values my friendship when they only dedicate a fraction of their attention to me when I'm in the flesh. When this first happened while visiting a schoolmate after my move, I was deeply hurt. I had thought they cared a lot; after all, they texted me all the time.
Love, both romantic and friendly, seems to be suffering from our culture's endless technology obsession. An incoming text merits more devotion than a loved one or a moment of genuine intimacy. As Valentine's Day approaches, maybe it's time to reassess our values and how much uninterrupted attention our loved ones deserve from us.
As for my twitchy feet, I'd gladly return to the days of careless cute-couple kicking but, frankly, I'd be so relieved to see them return, I'd probably give the sport up for good. Until then, I'm considering kicking habitual phone users. You never know, maybe it will cure their technology addiction and give them the time to truly love and appreciate someone special.
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