Moriah Gilbertson, freshman in undeclared science and math, planned to go to college. She planned to major in medicine, make new friends and obtain her dream job as a radiologist. She never expected she would be doing all of that while also caring for her 1-year-old daughter, Elliyah.
“I wanted to have kids later, after I finished college,” Gilbertson said. “She just came a little early.”
For Gilbertson, a typical day consists of waking up at 6:30 a.m., getting bottles ready, changing and dressing Elliyah, dropping her off at day care at 7:30 a.m. and then going to class.
After a full day, with studying between classes on campus, Gilbertson picks up her daughter from day care and heads home to get ready for her night job at Tiger Town.
“If I didn’t have her, I would probably just work whenever I wasn’t in school,” Gilbertson said. “Right now, I have to work my schedule around her.”
Ellen Abell, extension specialist and associate professor in human development and family studies, said children raised by one parent have the potential to be as successful as those raised by two.
“A child’s needs are the same,” Abell said. “The opportunity to spend time with someone who loves you—there’s no substitute for that.”
Kate Thornton, director of global education and the hunger and sustainability initiative, is an example of how successful one can be as a single parent.
Thornton adopted her two sons from Ethiopia a few years ago against advice from some of her friends.
“Everyone was trying to give me an intervention,” Thornton said. “I felt like God had told me to do it and he would take care of me.”
Thornton also said she felt because she was working, earning her graduate degree and chose to have children, her situation was probably different than other single mothers, such as Gilbertson, who were unexpectedly thrust into motherhood.
Late-night study sessions are no longer the only thing keeping Gilbertson awake.
“I used to be up all night, especially if Elliyah was sick,” Gilbertson said. “It is hard to keep my eyes open in class sometimes.”
According to Abell, the key to difficult parenting situations such as these is to have an effective and loving support system, something these two mothers have in common.
“The relationship is not just between the parent and the child,” Abell said. “You also have to ask, is the University being supportive? Are the professors and students supportive and understanding of problems that may arise? And what is their family network like?”
Thornton’s network has been her friends, family and now-husband, who legally adopted her two sons after their marriage. Gilbertson said her support has come primarily from her mother and friends, who she said do whatever they can to help.
“My mom does help me a lot, especially when I go to work at night,” Gilbertson said. “And my friends are all coming for Elliyah’s first birthday party next week.”
Abell said one of the most important factors to remember in these two particular situations is both Gilbertson and Thornton are working hard to do what’s best for their children.
“The fact that they are in college and going to school is a very positive and supportive aspect,” Abell said. “And their opportunities are greater to provide for their children.”
Gilbertson said although she would probably be working more and leading a more normal life had she not become a mother, she feels Elliyah makes her a better person.
“I feel like she motivates me to work harder and do better in school because I want to be able to give her everything I can,” Gilbertson said.
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