You’re now a part of the Auburn Family and that is nothing to shrug about. Or should I say,
Just a little Auburn humor to get us started.
Brothers and sisters, now that your FAFSAs are filled out, your housing deposits are, well, deposited and your mother already has “Auburn Mom” stuck on the top left corner of her minivan rear window, for all intents and purposes, you are locked in.
The first week of freshman year is an exciting time, that’s for sure. A host of you young Republicans are sure to join Greek Life, to which I say: it’s your dad’s money, so spend it however you like.
There are certain benefits to Greek Life to be sure, for example, test banks and binge drinking. I think about wraps it up.
The rest of you will have to find your way without the help of a super-secret shadow organization that runs your life and the life of students on campus. To the lonely independents, I can address you with some confidence, as I too have been in your size eight Keds.
Gearing up for football season, I’d use your cool older sister’s ID to buy your franks and low shelf beer in bulk now. Two weeks before the game and you will find the
Assuming you can get your hands on student tickets, given the recent and wildly unpopular changes brought to you by your faithful SGA representatives, you’re not going to want to blow all that money every weekend on food for your tailgate.
After all, our lovely alma mater will be increasing her tuition over the next two years.
In preparation, I bought fifteen pounds of Ball Park Kosher Franks three years ago.
Though, now that Neo-Nazis will be at our tailgates, that might not have been such a good idea. They did tell you about the Neo-Nazis on your admitted student tour, right?
Anyways, welcome freshman, to the next six years of your life.
“Don’t you mean four?” you ask.
I know what I said.
Editor’s note: Opinion pieces such as this do not represent The Auburn Plainsman as a whole.
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