Dating in college can be difficult to balance with the workload of school, social activities, obligations and life in general as students are still growing as people.
The expectation of a “ring before spring” also weighs heavily on students’ outlook on dating, and often clouds our judgment of what we believe relationships to be. While we are busy practicing how to be an adult navigating the world of relationships, we tend to overlook the mentors we spend hours with every week, professors.
Students tend to forget their professors also know what it is like to be a student themselves.
Four professors from a small variety of disciplines around the university shared advice they have for students, what kinds of advice they wish they had when they were our ages, and they even opened up about some different perspectives they have about dating.
Mandy Harrelson, professor from the Harbert College of Business says, “I think one is at this point if it's too hard, move on… because life only gets more complicated. There are small habits we can change, but who somebody is at their core, you cannot change that.”
Harrelson also focuses on the value of friendships throughout all relationships, romantic and familial, and also believes in keeping things fun.
"You're gonna need your friendships as you get older, if they don't value friendships now they wont when they get older," Harrelson said.
Keeping with the theme of friendship in romantic relationships, Harrelson says the ultimate deal breaker is “Not allowing me to be me. It's more about liking who I am, do you like me as a whole and as I’m changing?”
Harrelson believes in fun when it comes to dating in your twenties, and all throughout a marriage. Singles in their twenties should look for “someone that's fun… [and] has a good group of friends around them," Harrelson said.
Harrelson's keys to a happy and successful relationship are “humor and drinking,” paired with “love of family.” Harrelson continued to say when you and your partner agree that separating is off the table, “It makes going through the [bad] stuff easier.” With that being said, “Have fun, and don't stay too long, girls.”
“Outstanding Faculty Teacher” award recipient from 2019, Matt Kearley, taught many students in biology courses, and also had a lot to say on the topic of dating.
Kearley spoke on kindness, genuineness and compatibility as a perfect recipe for true connection in relationships. Kearley shared about his own relationship, “We’re very similar in our ideals and our values and we’re just able to connect at a level that was different than either of us had ever experienced.”
Kearley's foolproof solution to resolving conflicts is to see the issue from the other person’s standpoint and to not to respond "reflexively."
What Kearley wishes someone would have told him when he was dating in college was to “put more emphasis on kindness and the quality of the person that you're dating.”
Kearley also shared a memory of a past relationship that did not work out when he discovered they “were just kind of incongruent with what I thought was important.”
Anna Riehl Bertolet and Craig Bertolet, husband and wife in College of Liberal Arts added to the conversation with many useful tips for dating in college.
Anna shared, “Get to know and love yourself before you start dating; cultivate friendships and relationships within your family,” and that there is a significant difference in being playful versus playing “mind and heart games.”
Anna says, “Know your self-worth” and “Take sincere interest in your partner’s well-being, interests, and everyday life, and do so with sensitivity to this person’s privacy.”
Most importantly, “Seek to balance your needs and the needs of your partner.” Some advice Anna wishes she would have had is, “let your emotional, mental, and spiritual selves be equally important in guiding you.”
Like the other professors, Anna highlights the value of kindness, especially as a quality to seek out in a partner, and also as a component to the longevity of a relationship.
Anna's idea of a perfect date is, “A conversation when hours go by, and the late hour takes you both by surprise—and neither of you is willing to part company just yet.”
In Anna's opnion, what works in their relationship is “love, kindness, gratitude. We got really lucky as we are perfect for each other so our marriage has ease and joyfulness to it; it’s been a steadfastly safe haven in this turbulent strange world.”
Craig, gave some insight to what the perfect date really is, “In essence, when those who had the date agree that they enjoyed their time together, it’s perfect. One can’t plan a perfect date. Plans, like days in the summer months, often have bugs.”
Digging deeper into his dating experience, Craig romantically recalls, “It gets serious when you can’t imagine yourself without the other. It is official when no one else can either.”
The Auburn family is swooning in this season of love.
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