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An old saying states that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and in the case of school intrusions this can be potentially life-saving advice.
The allegations of Selena Roberts' Roopstigo.com report are compared here to facts provided by Auburn University.ALLEGATIONThe reporter wrote that Melodie Campbell claims the family didn’t get a call about the arrest of her son, Mike McNeil, until 3:30 p.m. on March 11, 2011. FACTPhone records show that Athletics Department employees talked with a member of the family three times before 3:30 p.m. and once afterward on March 11, 2011. Calls were made at 9:01 a.m. (3 minutes), 11:34 a.m. (9 minutes), 1:07 p.m. (7 minutes), and 4:45 p.m. (10 minutes).ALLEGATIONCampbell was also quoted as saying, “To this day, no one from the University has talked to the family.” FACTPhone records show that Athletics Department employees talked with a member of the family on March 12, 2011. Calls were made at 11:41 a.m. (1 minute) and 11:44 a.m. (5 minutes). Athletics employees also talked to a member of the family on March 13, 2011. Calls were made at 12:07 p.m. (1 minute) and 8:54 p.m. (18 minutes). In addition, Auburn’s team chaplain had continued conversations with a family member, including an 80-minute phone conversation on April 1, 2011.ALLEGATIONMcNeil’s defense attorney was quoted in the story as saying, “To show you how innocent he is, Mike is willing to go to trial because he says he didn’t do it.” FACTFive days after the publication of this story, McNeil pled guilty, accepting a deal for three years imprisonment and three years probation for first-degree robbery.ALLEGATIONRoopstigo wrote, “Three players say that before the 2011 BCS Championship game, the team was told that as many as nine of their teammates would not be able to play in the title game because they were academically ineligible. Roopstigo also quoted Mike Blanc as saying, “Auburn found ways to make those dudes eligible.” FACTAn internal review by Auburn Athletics and an independent review by Auburn University Internal Auditing found no evidence that improper grade changes occurred. In fact, six players were deemed academically ineligible for the game and did not travel with the team to Arizona. Mike Blanc later Tweeted his reaction to the story: “This article is outrageous and isn’t true. The media will do anything for a juicy story.”ALLEGATIONRoopstigo quoted Mike Blanc as saying, “We thought we would be without Michael Dyer because he was one of them.” FACTMr. Dyer was never in any jeopardy of being ineligible for the 2011 BCS game. He passed 15 hours during the fall. He only needed 6 to be eligible per NCAA rules. Mr. Dyer actually passed a total of 24 hours through the Summer and Fall semesters in 2010. He had a 2.8 GPA at the end of the Fall semester.ALLEGATIONMike McNeil is quoted as saying of a computer 1000 class, “I was doing B work, but missed too many classes; and I went to the instructor and said, ‘I really need this grade.” McNeil contends that his academic advisor got the grade changed from an F to a C. FACTMr. McNeil’s grade was changed after documented excused absences, due to medical reasons, were provided to his professor. The professor followed institutional policy in making the change.ALLEGATIONMr. McNeil says he recalls coaches giving him $500 to host Dre Kirkpatrick while Mr. Kirkpatrick was on an Official Visit to Auburn. FACTDre Kirkpatrick never attended Auburn on an official visit. After the article was published, Mr. Kirkpatrick publicly stated about his unofficial visit to Auburn, “Nobody gave me any money, and nobody spent any money on me that I know of. I don’t know what they would have spent it on. We went to a party, but nobody was paying to get in there. We just walked in like everybody else seemed to be doing.”ALLEGATIONMs. Roberts wrote, “As players recall, more than 40 players tested positive for recreational drugs after the National Championship.” FACTIn a six-month period from August 2010 through February 2011, three football players tested positive for recreational drugs out of 231 tests performed. In the two months after the National Championship game, an additional seven football players tested positive for synthetic marijuana, prior to synthetic marijuana being added to Auburn’s drug policy as a banned substance.ALLEGATIONRoopstigo quoted McNeil as saying, “When the new coaches came in under Chizik, they implemented new rules and it was kind of no tolerance, but it always seemed to be aimed at black guys. Chizik didn’t like tattoos and he didn’t like dreads.” FACTNumerous players on the 2010, 2001 and 2012 teams wore dreadlocks. Specifically from the 2010 team, they included Darvin Adams, T’Sharvan Bell, Josh Bynes, Kenneth Carter, AJ Greene, Byron Isom, Mike McNeil and Ryan Smith. None were made to cut them off.ALLEGATIONThe story claims McNeil was not read his Miranda rights. FACTIn the “Affidavit Charging Crime” document available to the public, it is stated, “All four suspects made rights-advised statements admitting involvement in the robbery.”ALLEGATIONRoberts contends that Auburn obstructed McNeil’s transfer process to Livingstone College. FACTAfter his arrest, Mr. McNeil did not properly withdraw from Auburn University, making him academically ineligible to transfer per NCAA rules. Auburn Athletics Compliance and the Office of General Counsel assisted Mr. McNeil in addressing those issues with the NCAA. Those efforts ultimately rendered him eligible to play at Livingstone College.
Dear Auburn Family,In response to an article published by Roopstigo.com earlier this month, we have reviewed the allegations of academic fraud made in the story. Even though many of the sources interviewed for the article criticized the reporter for misquoting or misrepresenting them as soon as the story appeared, the allegations were serious enough to prompt an internal review.The attached document illustrates that there are numerous inaccuracies and misrepresentations in the story.The most serious allegation is the claim that academic fraud occurred prior to the 2011 BCS National Championship game. Auburn Athletics and Auburn University Internal Auditing have completed independent reviews of the academic allegations. There is no evidence academic fraud occurred.The article alleges improper grade changes took place to make nine student-athletes eligible for the 2011 BCS National Championship Game. That is false. In fact, six players were academically ineligible for the BCS National Championship game, and none of them made the trip to Arizona with the team.The article also states that former football student-athlete Michael Dyer was academically ineligible prior to the BCS National Championship game. That is also false. Mr. Dyer was never in danger of academic ineligibility. In fact, he passed 15 hours during the fall of 2010 (nine more than required by the NCAA) and had a 2.8 GPA at the end of the fall semester. Mr. Dyer actually passed a combined 24 hours in the summer and fall semesters.The article also implies that an academic counselor who works with the athletic department kept Mike McNeil eligible by changing his grade in a course from an F to a C. The article fails to point out that the professor changed Mr. McNeil’s grade after documented reasons were provided, including excused absences from classes for medical reasons. The independent review by Auburn University Internal Auditing showed that all institutional policies regarding grade changes for excused absences were followed.It is also worth noting that while Mr. McNeil also alleges that former Auburn assistant coach Will Muschamp paid him during the 2007 season, Coach Muschamp immediately and publicly denied the allegations, as was widely reported throughout the media.The article also claims that Mr. McNeil recalls receiving $500 cash to entertain a former prospect, Dre Kirkpatrick, while Mr. Kirkpatrick was on an official visit to Auburn. Mr. Kirkpatrick never took an official visit to Auburn. Mr. Kirkpatrick has since publicly stated that no one at Auburn gave him money or spent money on him during unofficial visits to our campus.As Auburn's Athletics Director, it's my job—no matter how proud I am of Auburn— to carefully review charges made against our program when warranted.As the facts demonstrate, the article is clearly flawed. I want you to know that I will always act on the basis of facts. I will continue to fight for Auburn University, and I will continue to defend this great institution against such attacks.One more thing needs to be said about this story, which unfairly attacked former Head Coach Gene Chizik. Coach Chizik came to Auburn with a strong record of rules compliance and a reputation as a man of the utmost character and integrity. I have enormous respect for Coach Chizik, the way he ran his program throughout his entire tenure at Auburn and also the way he left—with dignity and class.Auburn will bounce backThere is no question that this has been a tough year for Auburn Athletics. We all expect better, and we know we have to win. As disappointing as this year has been, rest assured we will bounce back. We always have.As part of our efforts to get better, we are also committed to being as transparent as possible with our stakeholders. That is why I wanted to let you know that a top-notch team of current and former coaches, athletics administrators, student-athletes and business executives will be coming in to give us a comprehensive evaluation. We welcome this review.The review committee, which was selected by President Gogue, is comprised of individuals whose expertise and experience puts them in position to independently and objectively evaluate the Athletics Department—while also offering insight into our strengths as well as the areas in which we must improve.It will be a top-to-bottom review, but Dr. Gogue has asked the committee to focus on five specific areas. They include the following: academic and support services for our student-athletes; the department’s financial management and health; the gameday experience for fans and customer service; all aspects of competition, including sportsmanship, compliance and winning; and the department’s management structure, including the effectiveness of its leadership.This review of athletics is part of Dr. Gogue’s regular evaluation process that takes place annually for all senior administrators and campus units.An A-Day to remember, a title to celebrateIn closing, I want to thank all 83,401 of you who came to Saturday’s A-Day game. I also want to thank the tens of thousands who came to the celebration at Toomer’s Corner. It was a day none of us will ever forget.It is fitting that Saturday’s celebration ended up not being the last time to roll the historic oaks. Coach Greg Williams and the Auburn Equestrian team gave us one more good excuse to roll them again last night.I know you join me in congratulating the Equestrian team on winning both the overall and Hunt Seat National Championships in Waco this weekend. The wins marked the program’s third overall National Championship and its third Hunt Seat title.The trees might be dead, but the Auburn spirit is alive. And it’s stronger than ever. God Bless and War Eagle!Jay Jacobs Director of AthleticsThe committee members who will conduct the "top-to-bottom" review of the Athletics department are as follows:Pete Boone, former Ole Miss athletics director.Dave Maggard, former athletics director at Houston, California and Mimi.Mac Crawford, former chairman of the board of CVS/Caremark, and Caremark RX Inc., and a former Auburn fullback.Quentin Riggins, former vice president for governmental relations at Alabama Power Company, and a former Auburn linebacker. Judy Southard, LSU senior women's athletics director.John Irwin, senior vice president at Bellsouth Telecommunications.
Quarterbacks - An obvious area of emphasis for coach Malzahan, look for sophomore Jonathan Wallace and junior Kiehl Frazier to battle for the starting position, while sophomores Ben Durand and Tate O’Connor continue to adjust to the past-paced, no huddle offense.As seen during Malzahan’s tenure prior to coaching Arkansas State, the quarterbacks in his system tend to thrive. Cam Newton started one season for Auburn in Malzahan’s system, winning the national championship and the Heisman trophy along the way. Don’t expect a Cam-tacular explosion from the start this year, but do expect cohesive and consistent play from whoever starts Saturday, August 31, against Washington State. Malzahan is preaching the basics to his players this year who, at times last season, were lacking. A much more composed and prepared leader of the huddle should arise this year in Malzahn’s system.Runningbacks - Junior Tre Mason was last season’s highlight reel, and coming into a new offensive scheme where anyone has the opportunity to shine, expect Mason to continue where he left off last year. Offensive coordinator Rhett Lashlee won’t be afraid to spread the ball around, giving Mason even more touches with catches out of the backfield and a well-rounded screen game.Junior Corey Grant, who saw limited action last season, is a formidable backup for Mason, but sophomores Andrew Williams and Chandler Shakespeare, as well as junior Patrick Lymon and Cameron Artis-Payne could also see time, especially with the fast-paced tempo Malzahan is known for.Fullback Jay Prosch is possibly the strongest man on the team, leaving Lashlee and Malzahn with endless possibilities. Prosch should be seen as the Phillip Lutzenkirchen of 2010, catching passes from the tight end position and out of the backfield. More carried from Prosch is also likely, as his linebacker-like stature is ideal for short-yardage situations.Tight Ends - Junior Brandon Fulse and C.J. Uzomah have starting experience from last season, although Uzomah was injured toward the end of the season. Both are experienced pass catchers as well as blockers capable of snagging passes in the middle of the field to split the defense or in the red zone with their height advantage.Redshirt freshman Spencer Smith, Ricky Parks and Michael Clifton are excellent candidates to learn and become solid prospects for years to come, but expect Fulse and Uzomah to see most of the starting time.Wide Receivers - In a report on al.com, Lashlee said junior Jaylon Denson is someone to count on, a player most Auburn fans aren’t familiar with.Sophomore Sammie Coates should also continue his consistent performance in 2013. Sophomore Ricardo Lewis is another young receiver the coaches have been talking about during spring practice, while junior Trovon Reed and Quan Bray should still be utilized as mostly outside threats, with Reed remaining a dangerous punt and kickoff return man as well.Offensive Lineman - The 2013 offensive line will have no seniors to lead the charge, but with the coaching of new offensive line coach J.B. Grimes, the Tigers should have a much more consistent and effective line than last season to steer Malzahan’s power-running attack.Expected starters include sophomore Greg Robinson at left tackle, Dismukes at center, junior Chad Slad at right guard and sophomore Patrick Miller at right tackle.Malzahan does have a knack for developing young talent, so don’t be surprised if younger players, such as redshirt freshman Jordan Diamond, step up throughout the season.
Roopstigo.com founder and former Plainsman sports editor Selena Roberts agreed to answer questions about her recent controversial article, "Auburn's Tainted Title: Victims, Violations and Vendettas for Glory," and the subsequent national reaction.
As players ran suicides in the team's indoor training facility Friday morning, Gus Malzahn paced around the middle of the field repeating two points as players got within earshot.
Former head coach Gene Chizik and Athletic Director Jay Jacobs both released statements Thursday, April 4 addressing former Auburn safety Mike McNeil's allegations of multiple NCAA violations as told to Selena Roberts.Chizik released a statement denying multiple NCAA violations as alleged by McNeil and asserting that Roberts' story is "short on facts and logic."Gene Chizik's full statement:"During my tenure at Auburn, the NCAA conducted a multi-year investigation into the Auburn football program that they called “fair and thorough.” The NCAA focused intently on widespread accusations about Auburn players being paid and other alleged recruiting violations. The NCAA conducted 80 interviews. In October 2011, the NCAA rejected “rampant public speculation online and in the media.” Unfortunately, the recent story published by Selena Roberts is more of the same. It once again portrays Auburn University, current and former coaches, professors, fans, supporters and community officials in a false light.Unfortunately, Ms. Roberts’ story is long on accusation and inference, but short on facts and logic. It is noteworthy that the story comes just days before a player mentioned most prominently in the article is set to go to trial for felony armed robbery. The statements are very generalized accusations devoid of substance. During my time as Auburn’s head coach, I never authorized, instructed or directed anyone to change any player’s grade or provide any type of illegal payment to any student-athlete. Likewise, I am not aware of any alleged grade change or illegal payment by any member of my coaching staff, support staff or anyone else.As for logic, the notion that the conduct inferred by Ms. Roberts was occurring under the NCAA’s nose, at the very same time the NCAA is conducting its thorough investigation, lacks merit. Further, the notion that there was ever an attempt to sabotage any Auburn student-athlete’s attempt to play professional football is outrageous. Auburn’s success in transitioning student-athletes to the NFL benefits both the student-athlete and the Auburn program.I remain part of the Auburn family and take these attacks on myself, the University and community seriously. During my time at Auburn, the administrators, professors and academic staff were of the highest integrity. Additionally, the inference that there was academic support staff that worked together with professors to change grades is absurd. As an Auburn resident, I take great pride in the quality and integrity of our police department. They enforce the law equally and fairly and my dealings with police Chief Tommy Dawson and his staff have been nothing short of excellent. He has handled many high profile cases with the upmost integrity and professionalism. To imply anything otherwise is simply wrong.If there is a sad truth here, it is that there are no repercussions for bloggers who blast out widespread, venomous allegations and inferences in such an irresponsible manner. To make bold and outrageous conclusions on such thin support is a travesty.During my tenure as Auburn’s head coach, we kept the well-being of our student- athletes at the forefront of every decision. We ran our program with the highest level of integrity and accountability. Period. I make absolutely no apologies for that. I stand firm in my statements, my support of Auburn University, its student- athletes (present and former), faculty, staff and community officials. As I stated during the NCAA investigation, I am comforted knowing that the truth always prevails."Jacobs also released a statement Thursday, April 4 saying that Auburn was misled by the premise of a Selena Roberts article.Full statement from Jay Jacobs:"Anytime accusations are made against Auburn, we take them seriously. We have no reason to believe these allegations are either accurate or credible. However, as a matter of procedure, we are reviewing them carefully.It is important to note that several of the sources in this story have since indicated they were either misquoted, quoted out of context or denied the allegations.Unfortunately, the reporter who published this story did not fully represent to us what the story was about when requesting an interview. We were only told that the reporter was working on a story about the alleged armed robbery involving four former football players, which occurred over two years ago.We were never told the story would include allegations about academic fraud or improper benefits. Had we known that, we would have responded immediately with the statement above."The Selena Roberts article and backstoryFormer Auburn safety Mike McNeil, with the help of Roopstigo.com writer Selena Roberts, has accused the football program of multiple NCAA violations dating back to the Tommy Tuberville era in 2007.The report, released just days before McNeil’s trial for his involvement in a 2011 armed robbery, cited cash transactions, academic fraud and recruiting violations were committed during his time at the University.The story features testimony from McNeil, former Auburn wide receiver Darvin Adams and former defensive end Mike Blanc.The report accuses the Auburn football program going back to current Florida head coach Will Muschamp's tenure as defensive coordinator at Auburn in 2007. McNeil told Roberts he had received $400 from Muschamp after a difficult day of practice. Muschamp has since denied the payment through a University of Florida spokesperson.Payments were also allegedly offered to Adams to remain at Auburn for his senior season as quoted in the article by McNeil and Blanc. Adams confirmed in the article that he was offered money to stay, but since its publication multiple quoted players have denied what was reported by Roberts.Blanc took to Twitter and denied his involvement and the validity of the article.“Man this article is outrageous and isn’t true. The media will do anything for a juicy story smh #sad,” read Blanc’s tweet.The article, which is titled “Auburn’s Tainted Title: Victims Violations and Vendettas for Glory,” published Wednesday, April 3, has become the center of a large debate regarding its legitimacy.The author, Selena Roberts, is known for her controversial stories that according to the Kansas City Star include comparing the Duke Lacrosse team members acquitted of rape to gang members and career criminals. She was also a former New York Times columnist and Sports Illustrated writer before creating Roopstigo.com where the story was originally published.Former Auburn linebacker Neiko Thorpe was quoted in the article as saying “Auburn does what Auburn wants,” in regard to the football program’s operations without NCAA knowledge, has since defended himself and bashed Roberts.“While I have spoke to Selena Roberts about (McNeil) I have just read her article & not only am I misquoted, but my words are very out of context,” said Thorpe on Twitter. “We didn’t talk about NCAA violations or recruiting.”Since the article was published, Thorpe, Blanc and former Auburn linebacker Darren Bates have all extensively criticized Roberts’ reporting.Further into the content of the article, McNeil was reported saying Auburn changed his grade in a computer science class in order to be eligible to play in the national championship game.After receiving an F for attendance, McNeil went to his professor and a higher-ranking administrator. Unsuccessful in getting the grade changed, McNeil consulted his athletics counselor and the grade was allegedly raised to a C within a few days, allowing him to play.Former head coach Gene Chizik was portrayed in the article as a paranoid, power hungry football coach who ran a regime in the football department laced with player surveillance, excessive drug testing and prejudiced opinions.While Chizik was known to be distant from his players, the evidence in the report sheds new light on his era as the leader of Auburn football. Allegedly Chizik was a part of a “culture war” among the players and coaches, asking athletes to cut their dreads and maintain a specific image.The article cited Chizik and his coaches as distributing hundreds of drug tests throughout the season and that more than 40 players tested positive for recreational drugs in the days after the national championship.Former defensive end Antoine Carter was quoted as saying, “If you were black and had dreadlocks and tattoos, you were somehow tested more in what was called random testing.”Furthermore, McNeil said he was given $500 to help recruit former star Alabama defensive back Dre Kirkpatrick in an effort to get him to commit to Auburn.
Former Auburn safety Mike McNeil, with the help of Roopstigo.com writer Selena Roberts, has accused the football program of multiple NCAA violations dating back to the Tommy Tuberville era in 2007. The report, released just days before McNeil’s trial for his involvement in a 2011 armed robbery, cited cash transactions, academic fraud and recruiting violations were committed during his time at the University. The story features testimony from McNeil, former Auburn wide receiver Darvin Adams and former defensive end Mike Blanc. The report accuses the Auburn football program going back to current Florida head coach Will Muschamp's tenure as defensive coordinator at Auburn in 2007. McNeil told Roberts he had received $400 from Muschamp after a difficult day of practice. Muschamp has since denied the payment through a University of Florida spokesperson. Payments were also allegedly offered to Adams to remain at Auburn for his senior season as quoted in the article by McNeil and Blanc. Adams confirmed in the article that he was offered money to stay, but since its publication multiple quoted players have denied what was reported by Roberts. Blanc took to Twitter and denied his involvement and the validity of the article. “Man this article is outrageous and isn’t true. The media will do anything for a juicy story smh #sad,” read Blanc’s tweet. The article, which is titled “Auburn’s Tainted Title: Victims Violations and Vendettas for Glory,” published Wednesday, April 3, has become the center of a large debate regarding its legitimacy. The author, Selena Roberts, is known for her controversial stories that according to the Kansas City Star include comparing the Duke Lacrosse team members acquitted of rape to gang members and career criminals. She was also a former New York Times columnist and Sports Illustrated writer before creating Roopstigo.com where the story was originally published. Former Auburn linebacker Neiko Thorpe was quoted in the article as saying “Auburn does what Auburn wants,” in regard to the football program’s operations without NCAA knowledge, has since defended himself and bashed Roberts. “While I have spoke to Selena Roberts about (McNeil) I have just read her article & not only am I misquoted, but my words are very out of context,” said Thorpe on Twitter. “We didn’t talk about NCAA violations or recruiting.” Since the article was published, Thorpe, Blanc and former Auburn linebacker Darren Bates have all extensively criticized Roberts’ reporting.Further into the content of the article, McNeil was reported saying Auburn changed his grade in a computer science class in order to be eligible to play in the national championship game. After receiving an F for attendance, McNeil went to his professor and a higher-ranking administrator. Unsuccessful in getting the grade changed, McNeil consulted his athletics counselor and the grade was allegedly raised to a C within a few days, allowing him to play. Former head coach Gene Chizik was portrayed in the article as a paranoid, power hungry football coach who ran a regime in the football department laced with player surveillance, excessive drug testing and prejudiced opinions. While Chizik was known to be distant from his players, the evidence in the report sheds new light on his era as the leader of Auburn football. Allegedly Chizik was a part of a “culture war” among the players and coaches, asking athletes to cut their dreads and maintain a specific image. The article cited Chizik and his coaches as distributing hundreds of drug tests throughout the season and that more than 40 players tested positive for recreational drugs in the days after the national championship. Former defensive end Antoine Carter was quoted as saying, “If you were black and had dreadlocks and tattoos, you were somehow tested more in what was called random testing.” Furthermore, McNeil said he was given $500 to help recruit former star Alabama defensive back Dre Kirkpatrick in an effort to get him to commit to Auburn.More information will be posted as it becomes available.
Most college students spend their spring break trips sprawled out on beaches across the South attempting to get a little sun, a little sand and a lot of booze. But for Jacie Coressel, junior in political science, a casual evening popping champagne with Scott Avett from Grammy-nominated band, the Avett Brothers, was a trip more her style.
The grass growing between the steel tracks reveals this small mill town's still waiting for the arrival of change.
After being a dancer for 25 years, it's safe to say that local belly dance instructor and performer Seraphina, who goes only by her stage name, knows what she's doing.
The defending SEC champion Auburn women's golf team traveled to Greensboro, N.C. this weekend to compete in what Golf Digest calls "the toughest field of the spring," the Bryan National Collegiate.
Harvey Updyke has plead guilty to poisoning the Toomer's Oaks. Updyke revoked his not guilty plea by reason of mental disease or defect and plead guilty to Criminal Damage to an Agricultural facility, a class c felony.
As soon-to-be senior fullback Jay Prosch said Wednesday, "Offseasons are always hard."
The No. 29 women's golf team completed its second day of play at the Darius Rucker Intercollegiate in 18th with a 63-over 631. Marta Sanz led the Tigers on the day with a 3-over 74.
I’ve been occupying my time lately by doing a little field research with Google. That’s the official way for me to say that I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time entering random words into the Google search bar to see what suggestions it automatically fills in. I think if I word it right, I can put this activity on my resume. Here are the highlights of Google’s search suggestions for the word “why”:Third option that comes up after typing the word “why”:• Why is my poop green?Woah man. I don’t really think that’s a question you should be relying on Google to answer for you. If my poop were green, I’d be frantically dialing 911, or at least poison control.Fourth option that comes up for “why”:• Why is chitlin so tough?First off, what the hell is chitlin? Why are Google users in desperate need of finding out its substance? And why is it tough? I started browsing the results a little, but then I saw the word “skeleton” had something to do with it, so I threw up in my mouth a little and closed out of the page in a rush of panic. Some things are better left unknown.Second option from the bottom for “why”:• Why is Chief Keef in jail?Uh, excuse my ignorance, but who is Chief Keef? I’m still not exactly sure why he’s incarcerated. Google did tell me that he’s getting baptized the second he gets out though, so we’re happy for him.Seventh question for “Why is c”:• “Why is Caillou bald?”For those of you unaware, Caillou is a ballin’ ass 4-year-old cartoon boy that kids these days watch like we did Tommy on Rugrats. He’s inappropriately bald for his age, and I’m ashamed of myself for never thinking to question why a cartoon child should be afflicted with early onset baldness. I wish I could congratulate the massive population who did, and cared enough to ask Google why. Apparently there’s a cult following concerned with the growth of Caillou’s hair, because an entire list of questions about it appeared. Inquiries include, “Why is Caillou’s head so bald?” and “Why is Caillou bald he only four.”Results for “Why are Americans so”:• Stupid, fat, obese, obsessed with guns…in that order. Easy now, Google. I don’t know what kind of communist China man has been soiling your search history, but I think the words you’re looking for are “incredibly good looking, superior at Nascar racing, etc.” P.S. Fat and obese are synonyms, idiot. Second option for “Why is food”:• “Why is food so important?”What? Are you kidding me?! Food is important because it tastes good and we love it and we’re Americans and obese, you moron. Wait a minute…Llama related questions:• Why do llamas wear hats?• Why are llamas so awesome?I can only assume that llamas wear hats because they’re awesome and vice versa. These guys should communicate better. Third option for “Why are mu:”• Why are mustaches popular?If you have to ask, you’ll never know. Most philosophical question:• Why is bacon so good?Google can never answer this because the deliciousness of bacon will never be able to be put into words. It’s the holy grail of all meats combined. I do admire all with Internet connection who went in search of unraveling this mystery, but, like the contents of chitlins, some things are better left unknown.
Have you ever been curious to know whether someone you know has a sexually transmitted disease? Or more importantly, a potential hook-up? it's not an easy topic to discuss freely, but with new website QPid.me, the conversation just got that much easier.
From the Auburn Plains to the Hill in Washington, D.C., former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs spoke on behalf of the Boys & Girls Club at their annual "Champions for Kids Luncheon" Thursday, Feb. 21.
The Auburn women's basketball team dropped its fifth straight game in a 59-55 defeat at the hands of the LSU Lady Tigers tonight in Auburn Arena.
The No. 29 ranked women's golf team finished 18th in the Allstate Sugar Bowl Intercollegiate after scoring a 27-over 315 in the final round of play Tuesday, Feb. 26.
