Being Bold on Valentine's Day

I am certainly not proud of being one. My boyfriend says I should hide my face in shame. In public, I just put on a smile and act like nothing is bothering me.

But I can't deny it any longer.

I am a Valentine's Day hater.

Embarrassing, right?

Let me explain myself, though, because my reasons may not be what you were expecting.

I don't have any terrible horror stories. I am not bitter because I am single every year. I couldn't care less about how much money card companies make.

I hate Valentine's Day because of the judgment in people's eyes as I walk through a restaurant to sit with my boyfriend.

I hate being told that the dinner special is for couples only and having to explain that yes, we are a couple.

I hate seeing people whisper about the gay boys in the corner, pointing at us and snickering to their date.

I hate Valentine's Day because it is not a holiday meant for me.

Some people would tell me to not let it bother me, and that I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am. The phrase "toughen up" may have even been thrown around a couple of times.

But I am tough, damn it.

I have handled the gay jokes and snide remarks my entire life. I have been called a faggot since sixth grade. I was publicly outed not once, not twice, but three times in the four years of high school. I watched as my dorm roommate packed his shit up and moved out the same afternoon he found out I was gay (you would think the Kelly Clarkson poster would have tipped him off earlier).

My skin is pretty thick.

Then, on the one day that is supposed to be about celebrating the love between two people in an intimate relationship, I get slapped over and over again with my "other-ness." I get constant reminders that my love is a source of disgust to most people around me.

I have never been ashamed of who I am, but that feeling can wear down even the hardest of hearts.

And to be completely honest, I would rather just not deal with it.

I wish Valentine's Day could be replaced with Halloween #2. At least there would be Jell-O shots. Even celebrating Thanksgiving again would be an improvement.

However, it is very rare that I let myself utter those mood-killing words. Saying "I hate Valentine's Day" can be like a kiss of death to even the strongest of relationships.

So for my boyfriend's sake, I have promised to keep my mouth shut and put on a happy face.

I will get the cheesy card, the overpriced box of chocolates and even go out to eat a fancy dinner.

So this Sunday, if you see me holding my boyfriend's hand under the table or sharing a piece of tiramisu for dessert, try to keep yours eyes on your date and your opinions to yourself.