"Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be smart, breathtakingly beautiful, nice and kind. Not when there are blobbies who are willing to take their clothes off in public."
Unfortunately, that's how Linda Stasi, a writer for the New York Post, described a heavier woman finding love when a thin, gorgeous woman couldn't.
If you're unfamiliar with the HBO show, Girls, the "blobby" actress, Lena Dunham, has taken a lot of flak lately for flaunting her body. In the show, Dunham has a few men chasing after her while the apparently much more desirable Marnie is left unlucky in love. And because Dunham isn't built like a Victoria's Secret model, people are outraged and disgusted. But this isn't about Lena Dunham.
The implication is that only "beautiful" people deserve love. Who sets the standard for beauty, though? When did "beautiful" become synonymous with "size double-zero, tan, and blonde?"
The Romans didn't think so and neither did the Greeks. All you have to do is look at the curvaceous statues of their goddesses to realize that. Marilyn Monroe was a sex icon, a woman who men around the world fantasized about, and she had 36-inch hips. Even though plus sizes start at 14, anything above a four is often viewed as undesirable. But why?
Some people will look at anorexic actresses and lingerie catalogues full of women whose lives consist of nothing but strict diets and rigorous, daily exercise. And even then, they can't make their bodies perfect enough for the camera. Even then, magazine editors turn to doctoring photos.
There's so much pressure on women to look a certain way so they find love, because who could love someone with imperfections? How am I supposed to find my soul mate when I have cellulite? People who are fat are obviously lazy and therefore undeserving of affection. We might not come right out and say it, but isn't that what we think? "Why does that girl who's fatter than me have a boyfriend? I'm thinner. I'm prettier. It should be me." It's the same sentiment.
Maybe both of those things are to blame, but I think we started it. I think it's women. We wage wars on each other and ourselves. We stare in the mirror hating what we see and then cut others down for not being our definition of attractive. We cut each other down and talk behind each other's backs to feel better about ourselves. We make other people feel ugly so we can feel beautiful. I want to know why we can't just stop beating ourselves and others up for not being a magazine, Hollywood definition of beautiful.
Why can't we accept that Lena Dunham is a sexy, empowered woman? Why can't we create our own standards for beauty instead of letting the media define it for us, and why can't that size 12 girl be lovely too?
The truth is that she and I and you are already beautiful. Whether you're size zero or 23, you're beautiful. To believe otherwise is to sell out and buy into this "thin-is-in" mentality. So what if that lingerie model has a perfect butt? So what if she doesn't?
Be bold about loving yourself. Don't let anybody else define your unique brand of beauty. Eat the damn cheeseburger and enjoy your life.
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