It’s another beautiful day on The Plains. You wake up at any time after 10 a.m. (because any time before that is just unnecessary), roll out of bed and make your way to the nearest mirror.
You’ve got classes the rest of the day, aside from that 8 a.m. you skipped, and need to mentally prepare for what’s ahead. Should you shower? You’d be doing everyone a favor. Dress nice, do your hair, etc.? Meh. Who needs to dress nice when you can just throw on a t-shirt and shorts because it’s been unreasonably hot since February.
You could look nice, but that takes up time that you could be eating or sleeping. What’s really more important here?
It doesn’t take much to live a carefree, unimpressive lifestyle. “Hi, I’m (insert your name here), and I give zero.”
Let’s be honest here, any person that you’d be trying to impress won’t give you a second look anyway. Are you really going to stress yourself to dress nice everyday with no reward? So go on, wear that giant t-shirt and make it hard to tell if you actually have pants on underneath. Pants suck anyway.
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Wear those old gym shorts and tennis shoes, but leave your old high school shirts at home. This is college – we do have some standards. There’s a difference between dressing like an underachiever and dressing like a lost kid.
Attention Auburn University, there’s a lost child on the concourse that looks unreasonably old, but we’re pretty sure they don’t go here.
Don’t have your legitimacy questioned because you can’t figure out where you are or how old you are. Don’t be that guy.
Remember the best way to underachieve is to do like everything else in your life and absolutely, positively, do not try. Just don’t. It’s not worth it. The only thing you’re really getting dressed for when you get out of bed is to get back in bed. Dress appropriately for your bed. You don’t want to upset it.
And if someone gives you a look or asks why you’re dressed the way you are, simply take a deep breath and calmly respond, “Who are you? That’s right – no one,” and walk away.
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