Technology and social media have revolutionized the way we communicate with other human beings. It brings us closer to those who are on the other side of the planet, but it can also distance us from the people who are right in front of us, always stretching and compressing the space that is between our own neighbors, friends and lovers.
The universe that lives inside our phones can completely absorb our real time on Earth. When we experience things or meet people outside the screens, they only feel real once we give them a place inside this tiny, electronic galaxy. It's only legitimate once you can come back and check a social media profile.
With technology, it seems so easy to add people to your universe, and it's just as easy to disappear from other people’s universes.
Like paranormal activity, some people decide to disappear as if they were a ghost that was never really there.
You might have been talking to someone, or even sharing experiences together, and then you never heard from them again. You look for them. You crave an explanation. You might even think that you’ve imagined it all.
"Ghosting" is a term that refers to this type of behavior. These people disappear from your life without warning in order to end the relationship you were building — or had built — together. It can happen suddenly or gradually until they stop responding to your text messages, ignore your calls and block your contact forever.
As humans, we should realize how lucky we are to be able to feel emotions that no other species in the animal kingdom is able to feel. However, sometimes these feelings overwhelm us because we do not know how to confront them. When this happens, as prey being chased by a predator, we run away hoping they won’t eat us alive.
If you have ever been in the situation of ghosting someone, you might note a certain inability or lack of desire to show your own vulnerability. This is just as valid, but you must be aware of what running away implies. To be perfect is never the goal; rather, it is to respect other human beings and do things with compassion and emotional responsibility.
It takes courage to overcome the feelings that having an uncomfortable conversation involves. However, when doing it, you are showing maturity while growing as a person. Isn’t this the ultimate goal? To become the best version of yourself. That's what you do when you ghost someone: you purge unhealthy, unwanted or unnecessary things from your life in order to function better.
In some cases, it — ironically — might be better, more mature and more healthy to have the awkward conversation saying why communication has to end.
If, on the other hand, you are one of the unfortunate ones who has been ghosted, I am so very sorry. This situation may lead you to feel desperation, blame, low self-esteem and an obsessive desire to find an explanation, especially if you invested a lot of time into the other person. That is how our brains work – we do not like open endings.
The "no-contact rule" is one of the best ways to take care of your mental health when getting through a breakup or ghosting experience. You cannot keep trying to interact in human ways with a ghost. You can't will them back into existence or summon them with desire.
Do not look at their social media, erase their photos from your phone and do not re-read old chats. That is only hurting yourself and playing with your own emotions.
Be aware of your own potential flaws, but do not take too much blame. Instead, try to treat yourself with the kindness you treat others with. You did not create this situation, and you did not have control of the other person's actions.
Whenever you are ready, do not fear opening up to another person. You can never be sure that you won't be ghosted again, but you will have the resources to overcome it. We have to trust our abilities to navigate problems instead of hiding in a shell. Eventually, that shell will become too tight.
People do not realize that these tiny, electronic universes are also part of our daily lives in the outside world. Sometimes it feels like what happens inside our phones is not actually making an impact out there, but we must remember that it does.
We should remind ourselves that these screens are also mirrors when we turn them off. It would be better if you liked the person mirrored. Ghost costumes are for Halloween parties, not real life.
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Alba Sinusia Lozano, graduate teaching assistant for World Languages, Literature and culture, is a columnist for The Plainsman.
