Almost one year ago, I was inadvertently introduced to a series of sentence fragments that would forever alter the course of my life.
Honestly, I wanted to like this movie. I'm a fan of Kevin Smith, Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis."What could be bad about this," I said to myself.Answer: almost everything."Cop Out" stars Willis and Morgan as Jimmy Monroe and Paul Hodges, respectively, long-time detective partners who have found themselves being suspended after the death of an informant.This suspension comes at an inopportune time for Monroe, as his daughter's wedding is coming up and he needed money to pay for the nuptials.So, Monroe goes to try and sell a rare baseball card to get the money he needs, only to have the card stolen from him at the point of sale.The rest of the film is really just a long string of cop buddy flick cliches that involve another detective duo (Kevin Pollak and Adam Brody), a Mexican drug lord (Weeds' Guillermo Diaz) and a burglar with a feces-infused sobriquet (Seann William Scott).Normally, I'd actually take the time to go through these plot points with you here, but I think that could be construed as encouraging you to see this film, and I certainly don't want that to happen.The cast actually does an adequate job of performing their scenes, but lackluster, hackneyed writing can only take you so far.Also, Tracy Morgan dressed in a giant cell phone costume is funny for the first three seconds you see it.After that, the whole get-up becomes a cumbersome gag that Stevie Wonder could see coming.There did seem to be a miniscule amount of chemistry between Willis and Morgan in the film, but I can't tell if that is actually chemistry or if Willis was just trying to keep Morgan happy and comfortable so he wouldn't do anything insane.Morgan has always seemed like the type that treads a thin line between crazy funny and actual crazy.The true lesson to be learned from "Cop Out" is that Kevin Smith only needs to direct movies written by Kevin Smith.Smith is undoubtedly one of the masters of "dick and fart joke" humor, but the realm of action/comedy seems to be one outside of his reach.If anything, Smith's normal films are "inaction" ones, as characters normally just throw long strings of dialogue back and forth at one another, with the occasional crude comment or Star Wars reference.That's what I want and expect from a Smith film."Cop Out" was not and should not be called a Kevin Smith film.I realize Smith is tired of drawing from the Jersey well for his flicks, but that's how he's built his career and that's what his loyal fans actually want to see.Mr. Smith, I beg you, get Jason Mewes and the rest of the usual suspects back together and give us another Jersey flick.Or, if that feels like too much, just do another "Evening With Kevin Smith"DVD.Just stay far, far away from any more scripts you had nothing to do with, for all of our sakes.
I've worked in food service for 10 years, and, in that time, I've learned a few things about modern human behavior.Customers are now endowed with a set of rights and a sense of entitlement that is becoming increasingly problematic.We're becoming a society so focused on our own individual needs and wants that we run roughshod over anyone or anything that stands in our path.I know what you're thinking.
I hate almost all Christmas music.Admitting something like that this time of year is dangerous, I know, and I'm not entirely certain the Holiday Gestapo won't be pulling up in my driveway to take me away to a Christmas re-education camp sometime soon.For the most part, Christmas music is largely a genre filled with remixes and covers. Everyone from Enrico Caruso to Weezer has a version of the standard hymn "Silent Night," but the message still stays the same: Jesus has been born and it's a silent, holy night that also happens to be calm and bright.
HHHHHI can remember the day I got the text message from Amy: Ally McBeal is coming to DVD.
The nicest thing I can say about Whitney Houston's comeback album "I Look To You" is that it's good, but it isn't Whitney good.I'm used to a Whitney Houston that can wail out high notes as if they came naturally to her.
I'm usually not much of a concert-goer, save the occasional outing to an Auburn Chamber Music Society recital or two, but I was coerced into going to the Lake Martin Amphitheater this weekend for their Labor Day Concert.I must say I was glad that Beth and Mollie invited me along on their trip, as Sister Hazel and the other bands there for the concert provided a wonderful experience.Aslyn, the opening act, was interesting, and I'm still not sure what to make of her.She had a weird Carole King vibe going on with her voice and frantic pounding of the piano while she was singing, but she didn't have Carole's stage presence.She also felt the need to explain each song before she sang it, telling us bits and pieces of her life and the inspirations behind her songs.Sufficed to say, some of her explanations about the songs were longer than the songs themselves.
Calling "The Final Destination" the worst film I have ever seen would certainly be hyperbole. It would also be false since I've seen 1987's "Ishtar" and Ed Wood's "Plan 9 from Outer Space."However, calling "The Final Destination" the worst movie I have ever seen while writing reviews for this paper would be perfectly adequate.I wrote this review for three years during my undergrad career, so this movie beat out several other horrible movies to win this title, most of which had Hilary Swank or Diane Keaton flailing about the screen aimlessly.Normally, I'd begin a plot synopsis here, but since "The Final Destination" is the fourth film in this never-ending saga, I don't feel the need to delve too deeply into something that is the storyline equivalent of a kiddie pool.Sufficed to say, an initial group of characters escape an almost certain deathly situation and spend the rest of the movie trying to escape other equally ghastly deaths, mostly to no avail.Yes, just like the three other movies.
For too long, a certain word has plagued our society, a word that causes pain and hurt whenever it is spoken or heard.It is not unlike the "N-word" and the derogatory "F-word" aimed at homosexuals, and it is time that we as a nation, as a kind and compassionate people, come together to stop this hateful word, too.The word I speak of is the word "retard" and all of its varietals and offshoots.That word, like so many other taboo words, carries with it connotations and inferences that serve no purpose other than to demean or belittle other people.There is nothing positive about that word; no good comes from that word.Whether or not you choose to believe it, that word hurts people.I know because I've seen the look that enters the eyes of a person with a special needs family member when that word is used around them.It's an odd mixture of anger and sadness that can seldom be replicated in other circumstances.These friends and family members often speak out when someone uses the "R-word" in front of them, making sure to let the offender know the power and hate that goes along with using that word.These people, these warriors, are on the frontline of this battle, being advocates and lobbyists on behalf of a group of people that so many times are not able to speak for themselves.More so than some other groups who have battles with hate speech, the special needs community largely depends on the voices of members from outside the group to send out their message.I freely admit to using this word in my not-so-distant past.
