A Web site that allows you to sell your "virgin" hair to the highest bidders.
We hardly know where to begin.
While HairTrader.com could be looked at as a triumph of capitalism, we choose to see it as something that, honestly, is thoroughly foolish and absurd and ripe for fodder and satire.
How is hair "virginity" determined?
Do we have to buy our hair a Promise Barrette to show to the world we've made a commitment to hair abstinence?
If our hair has been with other hair, has it been devalued, cast out from the rest of the follicle world?
Can you plead a case for your hair, pleading with some sort of cosmetological judge you only used your boyfriend's hair brush that one time because it was a special occasion? It was his birthday!
Does a curling iron constitute getting to second base with your hair?
Where do hot rollers fall on the scale?
We also see signs of discrimination here that should not be allowed. We thought we were finished with the "no colored" era here in Alabama and in the nation at large, but HairTrader.com still shows prejudice.
We want to make some sort of pun out of blow drying, but we're going to maintain a few shreds of dignity here... for now.
There's just something about this Web site that makes us feel unclean, though.
Honestly, it seems like you would be going to some sort of hair pimp to get a john to buy what you are trying to sell. You're dealing with the Internet marketplace equivalent of A Pimp Named Slickback.
If you want to get rid of your unwanted hair, seriously consider donating it to Locks for Love, a great charitable organization that will use your hair to make wigs for cancer patients.
That sort of hair transaction makes you feel good because you've helped another human being in need.
HairTrader.com would make you feel the need to take a shower, clutching your ill-gotten gains in one hand and stroking the remnants of your once-pure locks in the other.
We would like to give one constructive suggestion to the folks at HairTrader.com amidst all of our vim and vitriol, since we feel this is matter of grave importance to the hair world.
We implore you to not include mullets in the definition of "virginal" hair.
As we all know full well, there's nothing innocent or "virginal" about a mullet. This will never change.
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