Everyone has told a lie once in a while, but when it comes to keeping secrets from a boyfriend or girlfriend, things can get complicated. Jake Jensen, student intern therapist at the Auburn University Marriage and Family Therapy Center, counsels many different students who all deal with trust issues and said that it's never okay to keep a secret from a significant other. "It's good to keep things open and honest in a relationship," Jensen said.
Boys or girls involved in a relationship often find themselves hiding information, whether it's important or not to talk about it.
But as the saying goes, secrets don't make friends. Chris Bush, senior in business administration, said he thinks lying has become too big of an issue for many couples and would not keep secrets from a girlfriend. "It just seems like most problems in relationships come from lying," Bush said. One of the biggest secrets that are being kept from significant others in college is the number of people someone has hooked up with previously.
"I think that it's really important to tell (a boy or girlfriend) how many people you've hooked up with," said Alex Kingsford, sophomore in elementary education. "That's a biggie." Jensen said that it is crucial to be upfront and honest with a significant other, no matter how someone may react, in order to keep communication open. "Keeping secrets from yourself (and those involved) only hurts a relationship," Jensen said. Bush said he thought exposing intimate details with a significant other shouldn't be the first thing to happen, but if it was bothering someone involved than it needs to be said.
"If they really want to know you should go ahead and talk about (previous relationships)," Bush said. "It'll just bug the other person until they know anyway and will cause just as many problems or more than if you didn't tell them." Although it may seem like it's not a big deal, Jensen said he thinks it's never a good idea to keep secrets from their partner. "It's not healthy," Jensen said.
Alex Kingsford said she felt she needed to lie to her ex-boyfriend about things that might not have been a big issue if they had been more honest with each other. "I never told (him) when I would go out to the bars and frat parties," Kingsford said. "I would even make up stories to tell him most of the time." Although she said she regrets her decision to lie, Kingsford felt she was honest about more important information affecting the relationship. In Jensen's opinion, there's only one time you should ever keep a secret from your partner, and that's to keep yourself safe. "If there's domestic violence and you need to leave and get away without telling them, then that's okay," Jensen said. So unless the goal is to cause hurt and pain, don't keep secrets, no matter how big or small they may be, from boyfriends and girlfriends.
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