Store ca$hier confe$$ion$

I work in retail as a cashier. I can't say it's the worst job in the world.

Yet, there are still some things that I believe need to be brought to attention.

If you've never been a cashier, you don't even know!

First off, for the love of everything that is gracious in this world, do not take your money out of your bra and hand it to me. I gag. Ok, not in your face.

But, afterwards I sanitize like nobody's business.

What on God's green earth made you think this was a nice place to put your cash?

Oh, and this is not only for the girls. I've had guys take their money out from the waistband of their boxers.

No lie. What the heck? Please, don't do that.

Also, there is a reason for the 20 items or less line.

This reason is not for you to come to me and say "I think I may have more than 20 items," with a grin on your face.

I will not turn you away, but I will be cursing you while I ask you if you found everything you were looking for.

Considering you obviously didn't, because you didn't find a main line.

Don't shake your head at me when something malfunctions.

I am as mad as you are that the crap we have to work with sucks. I'm not the one keeping you from progressing on with your life, the machine is.

If I have a line that is backed up to the back of the store, please don't tell me to clean off my counter with a scowl on your face.

It's not like I have had the time to take to clean it off. If you would like it cleaned, say so, but with a polite smile.

I'll be happy to, if you're nice.

That brings me to a few more points.

If the light is off, I am not open. Do not ask me if I am. Do you not see the light above me that is not on?

On means open. Off means closed. End of lesson.

I am a cashier. I do not own the store. It's not my fault that things are priced incorrectly.

Nor can I magically open more lines for you. My job is to scan and bag, not to hire people and create prices.

If you take a bag off of the spinner deal and three more bags come off, please do not throw those bags on the floor.

How do you not know that you left your wallet in the car? I mean, really. When entering a store, don't you maybe have that on your mind?

When your money looks like it has been run over by an 18-wheeler, thrown in a fire and eaten by a dog, at least straighten it out for me so I can read what kind of bill it is.

I don't like money to be thrown at me. Last time I checked, I'm not a stripper.

If you are an old man, I do not like to pick the change out of your open hand.

It makes me feel icky. Also, elderlies, when I give you the change back, don't grasp my hand. Since when are cheap feels involving hands sexy to you?

When there are so many grocery bags I have to put them on the floor by my feet, put them in the cart. Please. I know you forget sometimes. But, when I have 18 bags scattered around me like I'm Santa Claus, there is a problem.

The number one thing that I can't stand: Don't talk on the phone when I am ringing up your items! Oh, Lord.

Please. Just, at least, acknowledge my existence. I will talk very loudly to you if you don't.

I realize that you may be thinking, 'well it's her job to put the bags in the cart," or "it's her job to straighten out the money.

She gets paid to do it," etc. I know this. I'm not writing this to tell you the things customers should do.

I'm writing this to let you into the mind of a cashier, and maybe bring to light what being courteous means.

For those of you who have been cashiers,

I hope that at one point in this you were nodding your head in agreement.

For those of you who haven't, you might be mad and thinking about how cashiers should do this and should do that.

Please, tell me. I will listen to your woes as constructive crtiscism.

But, remember. I've had your job as a customer too, and I can tell you the job of the customer is a whole lot easier than the cashier's.

You only have to smile at me for less than five minutes. I have to smile for five or more hours, constantly.