In a desperate attempt to procrastinate even further than I already had, I recruited one of my roommates to go to McDonald's with me for a chocolate milkshake with Oreos added in. Order this next time you go there and you can die happy.
Naturally, this excursion led us to Walgreens on a quest for the perfect birthday gift for our other roommate's 21st. Competition was fierce for which of Walgreens' finest would be chosen, but in the end there could only be one contender. Here's what didn't manage to make the cut:
Flameless candle
It seemed to encapsulate everything we were looking for. It was festive without possessing the same reckless abandon and potential to burn down our apartment that a regular candle would. Then we imagined her opening it at her birthday dinner in front of a large crowd of people. Something told us to leave it on the shelf.
Maxi dress
Pair it with a set of knock-off Toms and some sunglasses labeled "Trend," and you've got yourself an ensemble without having to leave the friendly confines of Walgreens.
Gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse
I loved the one my grandmother got me. Why shouldn't she? Nothing says, "Congrats, you're finally legal" like a Bloomin Onion.
Office supplies
We were originally looking for poster board to make her a sign for our living room. Unfortunately Walgreens' lack of foresight and in ability to stay stocked with neon paper products left us disappointed. I thought about just grabbing her a few binders while we were on that aisle and calling it a day, but then realized that wasn't quite as celebratory. If Trapper Keepers were still a thing, it would have been a different story.
A life-sized figure of the peanut M&M character
Some may see this as us getting desperate. Those people would be wrong. He was filled with candy and would have been the ideal gift, but then this commentary ensued: "Let's just steal this. Come on, help me carry him. Crap he's heavy, he's so heavy. There are surveillance cameras everywhere. Put him down." The best idea we had so far was abandoned.
What we actually wound up buying:
A tiny empty cardboard box shaped like a bird house. Quarter-inch-tall Amy and Nick from "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" would have made a dream home out of it, especially once we filled it with chocolate. After much consideration, we picked out a stunning Avatar-themed birthday card to go with the tiny house. I also treated myself to some postcards- one featuring the mosquito as Alabama's state bird and one with a possum clinging to a tree branch by its tail that read, "Just hanging out." The purchase was met with nods of approval all around so I felt pretty good about it. All and all, I would consider the trip a success.
Do you like this story? The Plainsman doesn't accept money from tuition or student fees, and we don't charge a subscription fee. But you can donate to support The Plainsman.
