LETTER TO THE EDITOR: Response to Emma Watson

Main idea: Though I agree with Emma Watson, a certain understanding of feminism can lead to a breakdown of the wait 'til marriage before having sex rule, which hurts our ability to have a long-term, fulfilling, committed love relationships.
I'm not backlashing against the movement for sure; I'm in favor of it. I do believe that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities, and therefore, I am a feminist. The rates of domestic violence against women, the common-ness of eating disorders among teenage girls, and the conversations I've had with women about how self-conscious they were or are as teenagers, are all awful things, and they make me pretty sad. I applaud Emma Watson for making a move against such things. I try to make this sort of move in my daily life.
However, feminism seems to be identified with a breakdown of the wait 'til marriage rule. To cite a few examples, in Watson's speech, she said, "It is the thesis that I have the right to make decisions about my own body." I assume she is referring to abortion, but often, this is also understood to mean that women should be encouraged to have sex outside of marriage. Or in an online article written awhile ago entitled "18 Things Women Shouldn't Have to Justify," one of the things was "Whether or not they're having sex, and to what degree." One more; in "Flawless," the non-Beyonce voice says, "We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are."
To clarify, Beyonce's line is vague, but I think she means it should be OK for women to have non-marital sex, just like it is for men. If that's what she means, I'm saying that it shouldn't be cool for men either. Additionally, I do not mean that women or men should be shamed, like classified as morally bad, impure or less valuable for having sex outside of marriage. This is such a common problem among people who hold the wait 'til marriage view; though no one makes anyone wear an actual scarlet letter anymore, the "shameful and impure" stigma for men and women who have sex outside of marriage is very alive and well, deeply wounding women and men every day.
All I want to suggest is in most circumstances, it is terribly sad, not bad, not morally shameful when a man or woman has extra-marital sex and in doing so, compromises their ability to enjoy a lifelong committed love relationship. I want to emphasize that I use the word compromise here, rather than destroy. An explanation of why sex outside of marriage compromises our ability to have a fulfilling long-term love relationship would take many pages; I believe it has to do with what it means to be a person in a human body. All I want to say here is that many of the people who have the kind of happy, fulfilling life that we want believe in waiting. It is no accident or coincidence that the two go hand in hand.
To conclude: Watson's feminist thesis, "Women and men should have equal rights and opportunities" does not imply that men or women should have sex before marriage.