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A spirit that is not afraid

SATIRE: Don't forget the true meaning of Valentine's Day this year

Valentine's Day is a time when many Americans share romantic expressions of love with their significant others through the exchange of expensive chocolates, flowers, cards and other gifts.

Unbeknownst to most, the great tragedy of this glorious day is that its true meaning, the sacrifice of Saint Valentinus, has been forgotten and replaced with a perverted focus on premarital hand-holding and materialism that's been pushed by the liberal media.

The ubiquity of our culture's heresy is only heightened on Feb. 14 as Starbucks puts red hearts on their cups, jewelry stores sell heart-shaped rings and necklaces and women wear tight-fitting clothes and hose themselves down with the sinful aromas of perfumes.

Where are the crosses or depictions of Christ on Starbucks cups? 

Why can't one purchase a necklace or Hallmark card depicting a self-flagellating cherub using his own blood and pain to ask forgiveness in the eyes of God Almighty? 

Why do people look at me strangely when I don my traditional robes and shout Latin verses in the streets while flailing my thurible?

The answer is simple: America has turned away from God and forgotten the real meaning of Valentine's Day and how to celebrate it appropriately.

This holiday came to be thanks to the valiant sacrifice of Valentinus, who, after trying to convert Roman Emperor Claudius Gothicus to Christianity, was beaten with clubs and beheaded outside of Rome's gates by order of the emperor on Feb. 14.

So I urge you: celebrate Valentine's Day differently this year.

In spite of what friends, loved ones or the liberal media may say to you in the coming days, remember the sacrifice Saint Valentinus made for us and our great nation's Christian faith.

Dress in loose-fitting rags, rub ash all over your face, kneel down on top of rock salt and whip yourself with your good ol' cat o' nine tails and you will finally be celebrating Valentine's Day the way it should be celebrated.


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