I made it to round two. #WINNING
That was the lead I was going to use for this column as of Monday about 5 p.m.
You see, I've been looking for a summer internship fervently lately, and I just happened to see "charliesheen: I'm looking to hire a #winning INTERN with #TigerBlood. Apply here - http://bit.ly/hykQQF #TigerBloodIntern #internship #ad" everywhere the other day.
So I applied. What the hell, it was a "social media" internship, and the application was Tweet-style, restricted to 75 characters.
What I wrote was nothing special.
I've never been exceedingly Twitter-savvy.
Then I got an email from internships.com Monday, about 5:11 p.m., titled "TeamSheen #TigerBloodIntern Application Update."
Hm, I thought. Not a good sign.
And indeed, the first words of the email read, "This message contains graphics. If you want to see the graphics, click here."
And just like that, I had an epiphany.
The Team Sheen Tigerblood Internship received more than 74,000 applicants from 181 countries.
A quick Twitter search of #TigerbloodIntern will give you a scrolling list of pseudo-porn stars, weird team-supported Twitter addicts, even a cougar.
But my bet is on @Chekigal, or Natalie from Abu Dhabi. Check her out.
It's not that I didn't want the internship; of course I did.
Charlie Sheen's social media intern: let's do it. Career be damned.
I could describe the lengthy scenarios of what it would be like "on the job," but they're already playing out in your head like little mini-Hangover movies. Awesome.
Charlie Sheen is unemployed. He has two girlfriends: a model and an ex-porn star.
He has an obvious drug problem and lives in a kitschy Hollywood temple.
Apparently, the intern's job will be to manage the mounting difficulty of Twitter, Facebook and Ustream that Charlie Sheen is currently using to avocationally supplement his jobless status, manufacturing little slogans, breaking world records and, yes, even making T-shirts.
Yes please! Here's a scene from my mini-Hangover movie:
I'm sitting at the computer, doing something random when Charlie Sheen runs in, cigarette in mouth, eyes like Medusa screaming that it is a matter life or death, that the trolls are smashing down the outer defenses and about to overrun Castle 90210, but I can save the girlfriends and the blow if I can just Tweet "#WINNING"...happily ever after--or at least until the summer is up.
And then there was Monday night about 10:30 p.m., sitting down to figure out what to write for the column I should have turned in two and a half hours earlier.
I happened to catch the tail end of an episode of "Real Time with Bill Maher," and what do you know, they got on the topic of Charlie Sheen. Interesting.
Maher and actor Richard Belzer are joking around when all of a sudden Belzer stares straight into the camera and pleads with Charlie to find some professional help. Heavy.
In my email from internships.com, right below the big empty square (I didn't click) it read: "Hi! Thank you for completing Round 2 of the application process to be the social media intern for TeamSheen. We received many great applications..."
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