There is often one part of a person's day that, while having an immense amount of importance, is often neglected.
For most people lower bowel movements are a daily occurrence, yet they are also one of the least planned parts of their day.
This list seeks to provide readers with a multitude of options so that they can better comfort their derriere.
1. Mell Building - As of this publication, this building is home to the newest bathrooms on campus. Clean countertops, freshly waxed floors, and most importantly, stainless white bowls which have been untouched by the defecations of time. All of this being said though, many people already spend time in this building and are thus aware of the unique pleasure offered by its facilities.
2. Top Floors of Haley - This may seem like a strange candidate given the general opinion about the Haley Center, but consider this. Rarely does anybody voluntarily enter any level of the Haley Center. Combine that with a long, creaky elevator ride, and you will find a top floor nearly devoid of bathroom attendants. What this bathroom offers is privacy. It offers the freedom to let out whatever sounds may escape your body without worrying about who is close enough to hear them. There is also a strong feeling of satisfaction that accompanies the knowledge that you have just ejected something which may reach terminal velocity before it reaches the ground.
3. South Donahue - This one is a little trickier for our readers who do not reside in South Donahue but fear not. South Donahue offers both the cleanliness of Mell and, if done right, the privacy of Haley. That privacy can be achieved by simply sneaking into one of the dorms while no one is there. While breaking into a stranger's dorm to satisfy your fecal needs cannot be condoned, it is strongly encouraged.
4. A Tree - Auburn as a University has a well rooted relationship with the trees on her campus. This is due in part to the utility that a large tree provides when nature's call must be answered. Obviously, the massive oaks which dominate Samford lawn are much too important to be your receptacle, but, being a rural campus, Auburn offers many other options. The large oak in the middle of the green space provides the perfect amount of shade and privacy without compromising the natural beauty of doing the most natural of human acts outside.
5. Tuscaloosa- Even though this outhouse is not located on Auburn's campus, any list of places where human excreta is left would be incomplete without this west Alabama town. Located 160 miles from campus, this option may seem like an inconvenience should this need arise quickly; however, this extended distance also means that any fetid breezes dissipate before reaching the plains.
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