Many people actively believe they know everything about love. Luckily for you, we actually do know everything about love.
Couples, struggling when it comes to coming up with romantic ideas on Valentine's Day? Hold up, ladies and gentlemen! Before raiding the neighboring village for... uh, ideas; take some of our advice.
Take The Plainsman's advice with our do's and don'ts during this year's holiday of love.
Don't pull your phone out on a date.
We know the familiar itch in your pocket, but don't forget you're on a date with the person in front of you, not the people on your phone. Our generation gets typecasted as narcissistic agorophobes; don't let that be you. Interacting with a person who is, at a minimum, mildly interesting far exceeds the social currency obtained from texting.
Don't spend too much.
This should be fairly obvious. Naturally, we all want to do something special. Take a look at your tuition and that should fix this problem. You don't need to go over the top and pop out of any food. Which leads us to our next point...
Don't pop out of any food.
This advice might not be so obvious. Popping out of food seems like a great idea. It's spontaneous, exciting and delicious. However, wheeling out a giant cake anywhere other than a bachelor party leaves much to be desired.
Do get chocolate flowers.
Two birds, one stone.
Don't propose on Valentine's Day.
It's cliche. If you must propose, do not place the ring inside any of her food. The last thing you want is for her to swallow it, which would make putting the ring on her finger... difficult.
Do test all of your chocolate for poison.
Check the packaging for breaks and tears. If you want to be sure, you need to taste test each, individual piece of chocolate. Your date might get a bit upset at you when you hand him or her a half-eaten box of chocolates, but just grin and say "I love you." Which might be a bad idea because...
Don't say, "I love you," just to say "I love you."
"I love you" is reserved for those who actually mean it. Couples in the budding stages of a relationship are likely to feel a warm, fuzzy sensation. This feeling is more likely indigestion than actual love. We recommend Pepto-Bismol.
Do show you care.
How, you might ask? Figure that out for yourself. This step requires you to do something personal enough only your significant other would appreciate. If she wants to stay in and watch that movie you hate, do it. If he has a collection of tacky camouflage hats, get him one. If this means doing research, you're already behind. The trick is doing something that shows you pay attention.
Don't see any made-for-Valentine's-Day movies.
No man in his right-mind wants to see one of these movies. Ladies, if you care about your man, do not subject him to this sadistically gushy torture. Furthermore, going to the movies on Valentine's Day is too easy.
Do something special and creative.
Just don't pop out of any cakes.
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